Thursday, August 31, 2006
yesterday was not only a rainy day, rather, its nasty...was already late for school and i rush downstairs to hurry to the bus stop. Lucky i always keep a spare umbellra in office in case any rainy days come. while on my way to bus stop, the rain seemss to be more fierce. An the y way i was soak it as good as without an umbellra. the tip my my pants, as usual wet... by the time i reach the bus stop, i realise the water have riase till my knee-cap. thinking that it should be ok, i got on the bus that takes me to my school. the water from umbellra keep dripping and this makes my pants even more watery. while trying to settle myself, i realise i am cold and straving even with an over-size watchguard jacket. i look like a poor ger with hello kitty water dripping bag, over -size jacket, trembling and.....hungry.. :(
I nearly shed my tears while talkign to tommy...i rush to sch, rain, cold, straving.. :( nearly give up...but still, i make my way to sch...i accidentcally wet the cigarette...singapore one hor...marlboro some more...knn.....cb...thinking i super sway liao...... should be fair and stop le ba. all the way to the school have no problem...at least my slipper never stuck on the ground while walkign on the wet floor. took a lift up to my class and found a place to sit at the front so that i can c the screen. I happily open up my damp kitty bag and to my horror........!!!! knnbccb....lim bei si knn sibei cb sway...all my files and notes are all wet. the worst of all...my pencil box had some ink strain thati dun bother to clean up had its colour all over my whole bag. meaning, the blue ink with some water, leads my whole bag to be blue. best part is this bag is a bday present from jasmine. I am very sorry jasmine...i din knw hat the nasty rain will do this to me...one by one...my coin purse(from grace) damp wet...my kitty organizer, sloggy..... my kitty pouch (from hong rong) water strain but first to get dry. is lucky that my mp3 and tissues are in there...other wise, my bag will be more messy. my calculator...seems a bit faulty now.... worst of all...my pink cigaretter case become soem blue...some dark pink...arggg.........my notes now become rubbish paper liek that. hai....super sad now.....
Now..i am goign to find a water proof hello kitty bag...anyone have anywhere to intro...
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
How much i miss the beach
i miss the beach.. :( sad sad been so busy over the days.
Mon: work, home, study
tues: work, meeting, home, study
wed: work, sch, home, study
Thurs: work, home, eat dinner with tommy, study
Fri: work, sch, study
sat: jog, home, study, eat dinner with tommy
sun: jog, home, sch, home
Can you imgaine thats my life for the past month? my god...looks like i have no life at all. its crazy. i m takign 2 module only and thats what i get. imgaine i take 3...can say bye bye to all my life. but sill, nothing seems to get into my head. i am still confuse with ovehead and what are the things to aborp, what are the thing dun need. sianz....not forgeting the other onewhich so far i m still ok with it. all thanks to hong rong for teaching me the depreceation. liek what she say, i knw how to do it, but dun dare to do it. i already decide to take computer base. which means all mutiple choice. but the chance of failign is higher but the number of attempt is 4 times. more choice higher chance to fail ma. haha....
i miss the quiet and smoothing life back at the beach. i really miss the days. how i wish i can go back there once more. o ya..my company is doign retreat at oct which is pretty near my exam. but since its free, y not go...haha...its at krabi, somewhere near phuket. heard from them that tickets have been book but not resorts. Hope that this trip can make me relax a bit before i go for my exam at dec
Friday, August 25, 2006
1st i did not regard u as a fren i treat u like a sis, wat make me bloody fucking angry wif u is u nv bother to tell out wats gg on in ur life n make it like a mystery to all ur bro n sis. ~i guess u dun understand me well. Eeven the least person knows i always keep things to myself.
2nd wats ur fucking problem? When we ask u is dat fucker T ur bf why u say NO in the fucking 1st place? ~do attach have to annouce the whole world? i guess not
3rd You ever bother to tell out n explain anot? NO, NEVER. you 100% per cent know dat all of us are super duper TULAN u why nv bother to clear urself???? Why u scare isist???? If u scare being fuck by us why u dun email to me n explain since u KNN sibeh eng oways email me all hose rubbish emails. ~y bother to explain when everyone is on the hottest temper.i have my own set of guidelines on doign things. i guess you are not in the position to tell me what i am suppose to do. i m not scare rather, i keep things low . i will take you off the mailing list. dun worry
4th dun act surprised abt wat i wrote abt u, u noe my type buay song nia i will tell out. I hate the way u treating us n the way u treating JY, GUAN n Wendy.~if you wanna say, say to my face. i neevr do anythign to wendy at all. and yan, i already talk to her..as for guan....i think, i have nothing to say but is he always a big bro to me. And...i m a grow up, i guess i knw where i should bo heading to
5th Dun even bother to blog those things abt depression in ur blog i KNN noe who u r refering to, if u reli wana be fren wif this person again u shd tell her instead of KNN post post here post post there. ~who am i referring to...tell who? the depression is knn me la.
6th if u r reli not happy abt the way i say abt u, u can call me anytime u like (dun wori i wun Fuck u as i dun have a LJ) (i wun jio u 1 to 2 not 1) as i m not so boliao to fight wif someone.~well...i always dun anger with what ppl say, rather, i am disappointed
7th i reli hope u can wake up n realised wat u did is wrong n stop escaping. I oways treat u as my sis n more over u oso say u r my son Xiao Lao Po not (siao lao po ) ok. i never intend to escape
8th We are still frens n i hope we can still be the same as we oways go devils n chiong, J even thro u r already Tio Gong TaO liao oso nvm de we will still go out wif u w/O the Gong Tao "T". i already start sching. not i dun wan to cheong. i dun even have time to sleep. whats more than chiong?
9th Enuf abt all this posting abt I fuck u n u fuck me attitude , if wana tok we can oways tok. of coz we can. but i really dun even have the tiem to do a lot of things. whats more...i dun even have tiem to look at my hp nowadays
10th I use all this words is not to abuse u is bcos i m Kan Si Lang HOT ok.i knw...dun worry
11th Infact i m ok n 4get abt wat happen liao jus dat i saw wat u wrote i KNN Buay Tahan must fuck back. but that is what i saw..i guess i do have a talking status..
12th If u reli wana tok wif me or u reli dun wan is fucking 100% alrite wif me de lor. as you knw, i am always anything
13th Hope you can find ur fucking hapiness wif the KNN Kiam Kan face man ok. thanks for the blessing
14th No matter wat u mus oways remember the times, ups n downs times who r the people ard u JY? Guan? Wendy? Esp JY. i still knw where i am suppose to stand
15th I m not 1 of them bcos i only KNN noe u a yr or so but no matter wat STOP POSTING IN THE BLOG ABT ME IF U WAN CALL ME BCOS I FUCKING SLOW IN BLOGGING OK N I KNN NV CHECK BLOG DE LOR, I HAD THIS BLOG JUS TO FUCK U BACK DE LOR. YOU KNOW WHEN I HAD TO BLOG TO FUCK YOU BACK I WASTE 30MINS OK. Ok dats all i wana say thank you.~as you say, if you scodl me and i keep quiet...i dun fight back unless i am a idiot.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Depression is a relatively common experience. Everyone feels fed up, sad and miserable at one time or another. There is usually a reason to this – it could be due to a disappointment, frustration or losing someone or something that is important. Such sadness and grief are normal and temporary reactions to life's stresses. Normally time will heal the feeling of sadness, the mood lifts and people continue to get on with their lives.
Was on the radio yesterday morning while travellign to work and the topic they happen to discuss is on depression. Its becasue Ella, from SHE suspect having depression. Then the DJ was saying soemthing that suddenly rings a bell to me. People who have depression normally wouldnt know until they suddenly break down. And the best part is, ppl who are more cheerful will have a higher chance of getting it. This reminds me of someone. She is always cheerful but when something unpleasant strikes, she kind of weeping. at first i tot, might be she is too emtional, after tha, i reaslise, she is not. just realsie that she is suffering from the beginning of depression ba. hopefully she can get over.
Lets do a testing
The following are the most common symptoms of depression. If you experience 5 or more of these symptoms for 2 weeks or longer, you are probably depressed.
Persistent sadness or feeling down or gloomy ~does weepign without reason counts?guess not...NO
A loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed, such as socializing with friends and family, most of the day, nearly every day. ~ er..dun really hang out with frens now..i dun communicate with family...NO
Loss of appetite and loss of weight. ~ hm....diet no count..NO
Insomnia. For some people, on the contrary, they find that they are sleeping more than normal. ~i always cant sleep...just a beer willl do..so...NO
Feeling restless and agitated more easily. ~think not...still able to keep my cool..NO
Feeling tired and having little energy. ~ya....keep sching and work n school and wrok and study...who will still have energy sia....YES
Unable to concentrate and think clearly and thereby becoming indecisive. ~na..still have a clear mind..NO
Feeling of worthlessness and quilt ~at times...think dun consdier ba...NO
Recurrent thoughts of death
Think i am still ok ba...how about you guys? have you question yourself? the more cheerful you are, the more high risk coz you dun wan anyone to know that you are not happy...the more you hide, the more worst it goes. So, even you are a guy, just weep a little at home i think its still human. for those who doesnt and always act happy...please dun coz humans are not prefect creature int he world.
But in case you have more than 5, and need some advice, this is soemthing i can share
HOW TO HELP YOURSELF?
Don’t bottle things up. Try to talk to someone close to you. It helps to have a good cry and talk things through.
Don’t set yourself unrealistic or difficult goals. Do what you can.
Do something – do some light activities or get out of the house for some exercise and some fresh air. It helps to take your mind off things.
Eat a balanced diet, although you may not feel like eating.
Do not drown your sorrows in alcohol. Alcohol actually depresses the mood. It may give immediate relief but this is temporary and you end up more depressed. It is also bad for your health.
Don’t despair: remind yourself that many other people have suffered from depression and have becomes better. You will eventually come out of it, just like they did.
All those information is taken from webbie. you may wanna find out more yourself.
~Stay happy but not fake it. if you are feelign sad, dun bottle up, isntead, share with ppl~
NB: actually...i also dun talk to ppl with my problems haha...i blog it :P
Monday, August 21, 2006
I am glad that i saw some lights after the storm. i am happy for her. well...i was a bit surpise that i saw something that someone show me. i m indeed a little furious that that person who blog the below can she consider as my fren? over the years, i can say, no one have ever say something like this before. what disappoint is this person, i do regard her as a sister to me before. surprisingly, turn out this is what i get.
this is what you call sister?
Monday, August 14, 2006
Now then i knw what have happen. Please lei, my english very bad la. i am not stating anyone la. i m saying a story niah lei. now i knw what is the issue. Please pardon my english lei. My writing very bad also no need angry ba...
Friday, August 11, 2006
damn...very giddy now. just brought insurance plan. if one day i die, at least my family dun have to worry about my furneral. haha
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Was jogging yesterday evening as it is public holiday and i am not really into fireworks and i dun wanna sqeeze with ppl at the town with my big butt..haha. As my radio is not working, i have to jog in the slient without radio. I jog past a couple with the kid and the kid look a bit sad. i heard the mother saying Cannot, must train him, The father says train sai ar train. u look at him. i was thinking what have happen and i guess, they are goign to the little plaza opp my place and it is 2 bus stop away from where they are standing. I think the mother ask them to walk but the son is a bit lazy to.Kids are a little spoilt coz everywhere they go, is either car or buses. little walkign under the sun will melt them soon. Kids even carry better hp any u or not man. 3Gs phone can be seen on their hands. i really wonder what worst can come to in near future?
While cooling down and walking home, i saw young boy, or i should say young adult think ard 13 or 14. he is cycling and smokign at the same time. i am a bit shock as he is even shorter than me, how can he possibly got cigarette??
This leads my thinking to 'are parents relying completely on teachers?' well, i guess so and i have to be partial that, yes, kids are in school most of the time facign the teachers. but, is the teacher responsible for their act and not the parents?I have a fren who works as a teacher and she is depress as parent told her that is her fault for not planning the time table well. But on the other hand, liek what she say, if students complete their work and bring to sch, how will the schedule be off the track? Sickening parents over-protecting kids one day, will lead to over-spoilt.
Actually, i have a very good example, my brother, since young, spoilt by my mother. his allowance is always more than mine. his attention from mother is also more than mine. when he is sick, he gets all the attention, when i am sick, only panaold, a pail of water + towel and kitty will have all the attention on me. now that he have grow up, he never wrk also nvm, everything also never mind. happily go china find gf, and me? clearing shit for him. do he deserve m help? i guess not. i hink i let him be, but if i let him me, the creditors that my brother have owe them money come to my parents and i dun wanna c my dad work so hard for him, my parents quarrel for him, what should i do?
And just to share a little of my problem, someone raise a selfish suggestion to me. i dun look it as selfish rather difficult suggestion to me, shall i take? shall i not? shall i walk away? shall i ignore this person? or shall i cry in the middle of the nite?
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
well...when blogging can no longer put in what i feel, it sounds a bit werid, but what to do? Ppl gets upset, angry or rather, cursing at me at blogs, i decided to put an end to watever had happen as i m already living in 8 August 2006 but not July. This blog is no longer my feeligns as i cannot put in on what i am thinking so that i dun make ppl unhappy. i already make up my mind to take a step back, take a big breathe and run through this forest. i m not stopping even u are still sitting on my back. i just cannot keep walkign in circles.
Was out doing my eyebrow yesterday. this time, i chose to go to the indian shop at little india. sounds funny? but its exciting. the india lady uses string to pluck my eyebrow. its only $5 bucks. i dunno how they do it but, they are very skillful. they uses only string. first, they will put some powder over my eyebrow, then, they will need me to stretch my eye lids.after that, they will start using string and pluck my eyebrow. whole thign takes only 5 min. i wonder how they really do it man. anyone free, next tiem go with me and c how they do it.
After the trimming of eyebrow, we took bus home. As there is only bus to hougang, we drop at 600+ so that we can change bus to serangoon to buy some durians. after dropping the bus while takign a puff, we saw a couple fighting. initially, was the guy holding on to the ger's hand and all i heard was shouting.suddenly,the guy pin the ger to the ground, therefore, me and tommy decided to walk over to pull them apart. the ger is fair and medium size lady, the guy looks a little ah beng. So i tot must be the guy who is in the wrong coz by default, in watever way ppl look at it must be the guy's wrong coz of the nature. So me n tommy, not kpo but they are already fighting till the ground, we walk over and pull them apart. little that i tot, the ger seems to be a fair lady, so i tot her strenght is not that great, but....one swing from her, i took 5 steps back.. -.- i pull then apart and tommy pull the guy apart, but the ger really very fierce and i kana a punch on the side of my cheek. tommy kana few straches over his hand. I called the police on seeing the unpleasant quarrel seems to be even more boiling
After some talking, the ger just left and said that she will pack her things and go then said that she want to divorce. i am a bit shock but still, remian calm. at that moment, the guy's mother, carry their baby down and the ger just ran to sntch the baby away from his mother. Poor mother dunno what happen, so i suggest that guy to call his mother and let her know what happen in case the baby have any unfortunate. When they gone, i ask the guy, actually wat happen that makes her so furious and he say that they have been married for 2 years and never been happy. They quarrel becoz he was out fo the shop just to throw something but happne to met a fren. Chat few words and go back to the shop late. all he sees is his face blacken wife. So all he did was keep quiet, until they got down the cab, the wife threaten to jump to the road. Therfore, this leads to the guy holding on to her, but after some struggling, she keep pushing him away, there is no way unless to pin her to the ground.
So i said you should have enplain to her, but he reply that its not the first time, everyday wanna kill herself, everyday say wanna divorce. Liek what he mention, one day if kana kill by her, he also cannot do anything coz she is class as metal problem due to depressiona fter birth and she is 18, he is 27.
I look in another way that, the ger is too young for him coz she is only 18. She still dunno how to balanace her emotion, another way, if its a older women sufferign from depression, i can only explain as work pressure. It kind of fear me off of having a child in future, what will happne to me?
Monday, August 07, 2006
hai...can you believe someone actually scold me lan hong wihtout even knowing what is happening?I regard everyone as my sisters and never ever say anything at the back of ppl. Yet, ppl say i lan hong. what a joke. And guess what? the person is still living on May when its already August now. And why scold me lan hong, all becoz my ger friend is pickign me up and she say i lan hong?Or becoz you tot i forget about you and you waiting for me when i sms you and no reply?U assume that i was drunk/ sad becoz of keegan? haha....thats becoz i never eat anythiogn the whole day and start drinking the min i touch Devils.
If you think u understand me, then i think, you are completely wrong coz no one understands me. I touch my heart ask myself, no matter how u talk to me, i have never been angry, and how good u treat me, i apperciate, yet now, u are pionting sayign i m in fault. I have never treat ppl liek junks or rather, each and everyone is a percious to me. the min you ahve any problem, give me a ring and i will be there to lend a listening ear unless i am really very busy with work and school. talking about criticise, yes, i hate ppl to criticise me coz i feel, if u have the cheek to criticise me, then what about yourself. so i never like to criticise or even small talk behind a person unless the person really angers me. Yes, Thank, i will enjoy my honeymoon, and a brother of mine, cursing something bad to happen. Thanks to all of you. a real fren/ sister/ fren will support me no matter how bad it was.just liek her, she protects me, she knows what i thinking, but i land her to deep shit.
And also, someone told me that when 'he' drunk, he actually touch them. they ask me how long is the gf with him. and now, all is siding him. you ppl think is fair? you ppl still rem what you told me in momo? you ppl just turn aroudn and forget. you just stand at majority.
Be partial and ask urself, does he do it delibrately? if yes, turn around ask the others, do u still feel awake when drunk?hm...i guess all will say, 'na i wun do that' but can i raise my hand and ask, how true is that. how good can you judge when you are drunk.
i knw all of you are laughign at the pervious entry, no porblem, go ahead.
'no wind without waves' meaning, if there is no such things, there will not be someone spreading. But, ger, think about it, who are the ppl who started all these. Of coz, exculde you different, the rest of the 4 of them, which one can you trust?
I land her in deep shit as what i have said earlier. i shall not elborate. for ladies who still ask about me, i really appericate that. Deep in my heart, i knw who you are and i m not blind. these 5 of you, you may be guessing and doubtuing if you are in, all i can say is, if you have asked aroudn about me or even give me a ring or even response to my msg, you are the one. 5 of you, real frens.
for ppl who dunno what happen, dun ask, dun mention. when the waves have smoothen, i will tell you.
Super long entry? ya..i guess so. and of coz, this entry if not to criticise anyone or even say about anyone. I just wanna say, for a real fren, you wouldnt say such things to me. i am a bit sad when ppl react this way when i admit Tommy is my bf. Worst part, the whole purpose i do this is to let ppl accpet him frist esp her. but turn around, everything messed up..hai....
Actually, i drank below my house last sat alone. i am very sad and self blame. more words to descirble but i m not saying here. I knw she is ok, i knw she been acting strong but still, i feel very bad.I knw things are goign to start if this post is out. If really such things happen, cousin, i need the codes to place in password agian
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
yawnz...later still have a meetign to attend for the newly lauch products. hai...sch tommorrow agian, sianz. i have taken leave tommorrow thinking that its Sunny's 100 days but actually, Mark told me wrongly $#@%%$
but the leave form have been submitted and even if i come to work, they will still deduct from my leave. so i decided to go for a jog tommorrow morning then find a place to study after that
hm...today my scanner buiness good, from engineer to management all ask me scan something. must be becoz the salary is coming out. i will be rich with additional cheque but not a increase amount in my bank. poor me.......
nothing much. still rushing the zhan shen. hopefully can finish before i meet jiayan the next time.